23 October 2006


s.h.a.k.e.r.t.o.w.n. another adventure with the p.u.'s means educational mixed with exquiste cuisine.

so this time we traveled out through Kentucky's bluegrass fields, out to where the land is marked by beautiful stone fences, and where quality of life is identified with more than the brand of your shirt. it is a place where you use your hands for work and your heart for God.

my parents & i walked around the village...looking at the family houses, hearing the history of the shakers, who were founded by mother ann lee, and lead simple lives in a communal society, seperated by gender, and got their name because of their spiritual dancing...which normally lead to skaking...crazy but expressive and so different than the way our culture tells us to express our spirits...

it felt surreal. placing my feet along a path where others had previously operated so simply, and here i am, complicated as shit, blogging about my issues, and somehow walking along their path. the world is so big, and yet we are all so connected. so tonight, back in the world where we identify ourselves with things outside of ourselves, i'll be dancing to ShaKira and maybe i'll even do some shakes in honor of the shakers...

22 October 2006

being light

sometimes i wish i could see myself from outside of myself. i am inside and i cannot decide to be who i want to be. i am a being of light, a channel of God's fabulous and mysterious creation manifested in a real form among the very soil of this earth. some days i live well. other days i just live. it feels as though i have been living so slowly ever since i moved to Kentucky.

tonight @ church, the sermon was about how we are all beings of light, and we were challenged to practice two things this week.
1. sit as a light (*which means rest in knowing that I am a manifestation of God as light)
2. affirm the light in others
these practices involve simply allowing each other to be. to coexist. i live with my grandmother and we cohabit this home fabulously. i want to practice allowing my light to shine (not putting it under anything) and affirming her light so that she will also allow it to shine brilliantly. wouldn't the world be beautiful if we lived that way?

if we allowed our selves and the people allll around us, as we are so connected, to simply be light. i want to sing, this little light of mine, i'm gonna let it shine...

allow yourself. allow me. let's all just be light. "if you know you are light, than you just are. that is the journey."

19 October 2006

the best movie ever
you want to follow that link. another week of latino film festival makes me sooo joyful. this week they showed my favorite movie: Habana Blues. if benito zambrano was sitting next to me, i would've kissed him. it was actually my dad sitting beside me though, so that didn't happen. whew. anyway, its the kind of movie that reminds you that you're not the only person on earth with a beating heart. with life tugging at your heart. with choices. with the ability to cHoSE.JOY. that can be so hard. but "vivir es elegir." to live is to chose. chose joy.

inspired. and exhausted. buenasssss nochessssss

p.s. yo quiero ser tu abrigo

16 October 2006

the wave crashing on my shore

so i was thinking today about how i feel like the shore...and there is all this ocean drift pulling in and pushing out of my life...and i am so paitent, waiting here, waiting for the waves of opportunity to crash on me, the shore. crash. break. bust. crack. whip. there are millions of words to be used here. here are some of my pensamientos from today.

Louisville is a really cool city. it is beautiful, diverse, big, small, full, empty, quiet, loud, i mean you name it. The dynamics are so offers you eVeRyTHiNG and still feel like more than just a number. I don't even know anyone and I still run into people...really fun to be here. I've been exploring by going to new restaurants, hanging out at coffee shops, going to local festivals (art, idea, latino), hanging out at the University (for Latino Film Festival, my thursday night activity), going to lectures, bookstores, church, centers for spirituality, movies, bowling, and even a date! has been really interesting. Sometime I get bored because I lack self-motivation to GO eXplORE, and when I have those days I just don't do anything...which is so stupid, and those are the bummer I try my best to GET OUT and GO and that INTERACTION has proven so wonderful!

My church is still pretty much the coolest place ever. These people are so real...I mean they are genuine in ways I've never met in people---so honest and so real, so quickly. They love in huge ways and they pour out their pain in abundance. It's like they are constantly recycling pain and letting love come in, heal them, and more them to places they never imagined themselves. The church is full of social workers, therapits, theologians, and little kiddies...

I talked to the Peruvian that I'm in love with today. I probably shouldn't say that aloud but it's true...if we even lived in the same country I sware I'd want to be stuck in an elevator with him for HOURS. haha Anyway, I downloaded this Calle 13 song because of him and it's my new favorite thing to listen to..."atrevete te te te" find it. it will rock your world too. but leave my Peruvian lover out of your world getting rocked, please.

I went to a lecture @ UofL on "The New Latin Nation." I will definetly be writing more about this tomorrow.

And tomorrow is my PRIMERA dia del trabajo en la pasteria! I think that means bakery :) I start working at BlueDogBakery TOmORROw! After chronic unemployment...and I am already planning vacation.

Ok well this sand filled shore is exhausted from a LONG day. my love is exhausted and words are feeling more foreign with each digit hitting the keyboard.

All is well, prAise JeSus, and I am definetly beginning to feel like maybe this is where I should be. My new mantra is "You are growing beautifull and you must nuture yourself" I have been having such a difficult time trying to give myself the right environment to grow, that I haven't been LiViNG in the place where I've been planted. I'm right where i need to be.

Just like you all.
Jud said this last night and I loved it..."You must have a healthy sense of self before you can transcend that..." Look at yourself tonight and remind yourself what a healthy, vibrant, intelligent, LOVELY human being you are...despite all of your flaws. that is your beautiful truth.
GooDniGHT. ChauFasssssss

14 October 2006


soledad. today has been so lonely, but in a really interesting way. i am in this new city, so full of things to do, and of course i'm alone because i don't know anYoNE. ok i know 5 people, and 2 of them talk to me. so pretty get the point. i'm alone.

i was suffering beyond words today. my body was aching and my everything felt twisted and in pain. the whole lump in the throat thing, yep, wanted to cry. i'm only telling this information because i want you all to know, that even for the adventurous heart, even for the life of a wanderer, it's scary. your feelings get hurt and you are scared and you wish a friend would call and ask you how you're doing. and no one does, and no one did today, and you have to push through.

i have a hard time with this. and i am alone, and that's okay (don't send me letters because you read this and you feel bad for me, send me letters that you write from your heart, spirit inspired and as a way to communicate with me), but i wish some people would reach out to me. i didn't move away so that would occur, but i wish that they knew. i need a hand too.

so i have learned one thing in my loneliness, and that is, it is okay to be lonely. una linea de una cancion esta repitiendo en mi mente..."soledad, soledad, por que tantas soledad?" because it's okay. i'm in the process...and that is not to be confused with there being one product...there could be one million...i am just here to take part in all of this beauty.

11 October 2006

a special moment

this is me, captured in a special moment by my friend who takes really great photos and i thought you all should know. go to her website and check her out...

you're killing me

deep sigh. i started taking drawing classes again tonight. with my grandmother, who p.s. is phenominal. the teacher/instructor is also phenominal, both in spirit and in instruction, so i stood there with stomach cramps and a huge lump of tears in my throat. could someone who is scientifically enlightened please explain to me why when i want to cry but i don't i get a big lump in my throat? and then could someone else please tell me it's okay to cry? because i wanted to and i couldn't do it...i wanted to so badly. and the instructor kept saying "you're killing me" so sarcastically and i wanted to sob and say, "well i am already dead!"

that was a bad story. but you have to start somewhere with these blogs.
seeds of hope.
being planted continuously in my life.
you watch.
i will grow.