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03 October 2007

this is not the lotto

"Is it really your time to be blessed? This is not the lotto. This is the kingdom of God." keisha boyce williams


my mental state-of-mind is like a random ball with a number on it---pick a number, any number--- well that is me. being tossed and turned and thrown around inside of the lotto ball mixer...and there i am, just being thrown the hell around, thinking, one of these days, it's going to be my chance:life is going to chose me. well no wonder this ladies word struck me today.

what if i am chosen? what if i have it all figured out, and this, this is it? well then in that case, i would probably find a way to be content with it. but for now? now it's tearing me ever-dualistically in half. right down the middle. halfway between believing and hitting the road, halfway between here and ANYwhere, halfway between deal with it and deal me a new hand. is there any middle ground?

let me scribe her words again. "Is it really your time to be blessed? This is not the lotto. This is the kingdom of God." It is ALwAyS our time to be blessed---your hands just have to be OPEN, not clinging onto some THING, IDEA, PERSON, THOUGHT, PRAYER. It is always your time. Whether you're here or if you're halfway to Hatteras. WhERevEr yOU aRe, yOU caNNoT escApE beIng BLessed. This is not the lotto.

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