18 November 2007

fearless, feisty faith

spend the afternoon; you can't take it with you. annie dilliard


today has been quite the day. i've been waking up early every day this week after having had numerous strange dreams about paris. most of the dreams revolve around the theme of discomfort. they are seemingly real depictions of how uncomfortable i would be if i lived there. i don't believe those dreams; i believe they are calling forth fears and letting go of them...saying g o o d b y e to mediocrity and false faces that reflect your own when you look deeply.

so after a few moments of letting those dreams settle and speak into my life (and my throbbing post closing the nachbar headache, i am so deep and yet so shallow), i got up the motivation to text mere and make her meet me for delicious coffee. lucky for me she agreed! so i was accompanied by the lovely meredith to sunergos, where we spread out the contents of our mary poppins style bags, full of: glue sticks, scissors, paper, journals, books, transfer type, writing utensils, and a delicious spirit of creativity. it's amazing what you can do when you sit down next to someone who allows you to be fully, organically, wisely, you.

out of this time we both created and collected. wise words, new words, stories, quotes, creative inspirations. bifurguer is my new word. it means to fork; to branch off. i am such a meandering human being. in a beautiful, organic way, i suppose i spread my self and then rotate, put this left foot in front of this right and walk in yet another direction. i both appreciate and mistrust that piece of my self. but i'm learning to trust that life coming forth from within without question. doing life sans doubt.

this week was rather trying of that practice. a few times i was concerned that i wanted to reevaluate and go back to rethinking everything everyone (and myself) says and does. not fair to anyone, that's the bottom line. so feeling feisty and trusting and boosted by the recent past and the approaching horizon, i went on towards what i knew deeply was most important: that bloody pile of flesh, thrusting itself naturally towards a plethora of people and passions in THIS life. because in case anyone has forgotten: we are alive to be living. not dead. not defeated. no drained.

and though there will be days for those feelings,
it's not today,
it's not meant for everyday,
it's not non-existent,

it's just life, and that's so sweet and ever-changing and always calling forth fear & faith & that true stuff that is what we call...

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