12 November 2007

love above all

half-way through november, you never knew it, but it just could be that your life will change, is changing, has changed. what about your life is pending? who and what have you pursued? what ignites you to be more fuLLy aLive? my long awaited migration seems to be approaching ever so quickly. i am wing-wide and root deep. this will always cause a bit of turbulence, i can tell, because it has thus far and all i've ever experienced are little aches and pains, and still i've ended up like this. as this woman, in this world, with these eyes, and oh! my hands. these two glorious hands, with ten fingers and when they are spread i know it is all so real, and so really out of my control.

i was reading some bell hooks, well, quoting some bell hooks this weekend. and i feel like doing that again. "I place love before work because i know that without a sound foundation of self-love, I risk undermining my value and the value of all I accomplish through work. Self love can sustain us, but to thrive in community, which is how we LiVe, we need to receive love from others."

again? (oh, i can't bear to learn this lesson again.)
yes, again.
ok, fine, yes.

this is certainly something i will be working on for the rest of my life. i don't need to say it doesn't come naturally for me, that is a known fact. it is difficult, but the work that kneads and turns and moves all the attention from me to community is work i want to participate in for the rest of my days. i never desire something where solitude is the only option present. love above all is the work we must do daily. it is hard, hard enough, undeniably difficult at times and so simple, too. its amazing how i find these things present in the midst of even my most mundane days (and i've had none of those recently, thanks to magnificent company and new inspirations). however, in the presence of the community i find myself standing before i mirror, one where i see myself seeing myself, and that self craves change, transition, migration.

but i must wait. and in the mean time, love; for these are the days with which i am being filed and found and refined. "Not only does something come if you wait, but it pours over you like a waterfall, like a tidal wave. You wait in all naturalness without expectation or hope, emptied, translucent, and that which comes rocks and topples you; it will shear, loose, launch, winnow, grind." Annie Dillard

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