28 January 2008

the end of super, the beginning of something much more

su·per (sōō'pər)

1. Informal An article or a product of superior size, quality, or grade.
2. Informal
1. A superintendent in an apartment or office building.
2. A supernumerary.
3. Printing A thin starched cotton mesh used to reinforce the spines and covers of books.

adj. Informal

1. Very large, great, or extreme: "yet another super Skyscraper" (Dylan Thomas).
2. Excellent; first-rate: a super party.

super, as many of you may be accustomed to hearing me say, will no longer be a word that i use frequently. i will, indeed, still use it from time to time in order to describe the extreme capacity of greatness that a single thing, person, or event holds.

why ? i'm being intentionally (not super intentional) about language, the distinction between what carries meaning and what creates meaning. i have tendency to admire genuine statements of affection, as well as confront boring situations with exotic & deep thoughts. not that i'm either exotic or deep, i am certainly quite plain, but i don't like having surface conversations, and using such belittling conversation pieces makes me feel like i'm avoiding a much deeper usage of language.

i've been bedridden for a few days now, and though i love my bed, i loathe not being in the presence of great company. i want to feel something close to average, so i can leave my house and make some contact with the wORLd! i have been in this miserable state of self-loathing: depressed my my own inability to give myself what i need, and further, ask for what i need from my incredible group of support. my first inclination when i am sick is to call my mother, who lives 600 miles away, who gave me this sickness when i was home last weekend! my sweet, sweet love said to me: i hate that you are not more demanding of my presence at this very moment. my brother lives .5 miles away and is honored to be of any assistance. these men are the epitome of sweet. i just need to be able to AsK for what I need...

Emile came over today, a dvd in each pocket of his coat as if they were weapons to defeat sickness, a delicious blue dog pug roll & whole foods chicken noodle soup, both day & night quil. a venti earl grey with the perfect amount of cream. super-powered emergen-c. you just gotta feel thankful for love in moments like this. you just have to. even in the places where you feel radical UNlove for yourself, you have to leT THAT love, that GREAT love, go to those places and heal you...

"it is in the shelter of each other that people live."
(irish proverb)

when i get better i feel like i should change the world.
or ask you what YOU need,
and maybe in some way, THAT small act will change you,
and you will change the world.

today may be the end of the over-usage of the word super,
but it is certainly the beginning of something much, much more.

¿todo bien?

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