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02 January 2008

in praise of pw

"awe is the salve that will heal our eyes." -rumi

kate marks spent new years in barcelona with benoît. alex lee brought the new year in from berlin. victoria wall spent new years in new york city. erin watson celebrated the new year in chicago. lauren witt danced & celebrated in atlanta. ashley hepburn spent new years in the district of columbia. i spent new years in louisville, with paul weldy.

so i'm just thinking about how magnificent all those places are...and yet, i was able to be in the midst of what matters most to me. now, more than ever before in my twenty three years, i feel in need of being with great company. i love that moment in life when you look over your shoulder & see a face that is changing your life;i love the privilege of intentional presence, i am spoiled by sweet lips & constantly find myself on the receiving end of another's affections, even his hidden ones, like facial expressions & sQuinty eyes & the whisper of actions and inactions. all of these are hidden like jewels in stones, and here we are being shaped so beautifully, and still we are just human, which is the very best part of all.

i was thinking about new year's resolutions, how people RESOLVE to do "better" or "lighter" or "healthier" or "funnier" or "whateverEr" every time they see January 1st on the calendar. how un-organic can you be, you list-making-freaks? as your life evolves this year, how present will you be for all of that if all you're trying to achieve a series of bullett points written on a (probably) ugly piece of paper? how much will you let your natural self resolve to JUST bE your natural self? i am silly, sitting here spewing about all this, thinking these are popular opinions. they aren't. but guess what..

that's what i am going to practice this year. i'd been thinking about this for some time now, and i hang out with people who are continuously saying to me: FOLLOW YOUR HEART (they scream it at me), and i have decided (since i'm unemployed & homeless) that i am not going to PREDICT life anymore. i'm going to PARtICIpATE fuLLY in every moment, every day, every question you ask me i'm going to answer, honestly, in due time, and then i'm going to ask you a really good question. and then i'm going to ask you to elaborate on your answer.

Read my horoscope, by the ineluctably great Rob Brezsny
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your main assignment in 2008 is to become
highly skilled at feeling good. Does that sound like something you might
want to do? If so, here's the beginning of a regimen you could follow: (1)
Be constantly taking notes about what experiences give you delight and
what situations make you feel at home in the world. (2) Always be
scheming to provide yourself with those experiences and situations. (3)
Take a vow that nothing will obstruct you from seeking out and creating
pleasure, peace, love, wonder, and an intimate connection with life.

now. of course i will make some resolutions, too:
-most importantly: i resolve to evolve. organically.
- i resolve to participate fully in moments, even this one.
- i resolve to pack lightly, no matter what, and to shed old skin, old stuff, old sadness, old staples that are no longer needed.
- i will explore music options that others present to me.
- i will keep my opinions to myself, unless somebody is just asking for it.

ok on second thought, there will be no list.
there is WAY too much pressure, already, and i'm only on #5 and i'd already decided on numbers one-three. (i decided #3 when I was getting in the car to come back to VA and my brother was carrying 4 jackets of mine. 4. who even owns 4 jackets? ok two of them were hoodies but i wear them like coats. not good, i know)
other people can keep their lists.
i think they are ugly anyway.

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