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23 April 2008

spitting it all out


waiting. waiting. waiting.
disappointment. frustration. letdown.
waiting. waiting. waiting.

waiting:

1: to stay in place in expectation of 2: to delay serving 3: to serve as waiter for

1 a: to remain stationary in readiness or expectation b: to pause for another to catch up —usually used with up 2 a: to look forward expectantly b: to hold back expectantly 3 a: to be ready and available b: to remain temporarily neglected or unrealized


i am so sick of waiting.
i shouldn't look at it like that.
i shouldn't.
but.
i feel like i've been passed over.
but is that really so bad?

"Passover commemorates the Exodus from Egypt and the liberation of the Israelites from slavery. In the story of Moses, God set ten plagues upon the Egyptians to convince Pharaoh to release the Israelites. The tenth plague was the killing of the firstborn sons. However, the Israelites were instructed to mark the doorposts of their homes with the blood of a spring lamb, and upon seeing this, the spirit of the Lord passed over these homes, hence the term "passover.".[3] When Pharaoh then freed the Israelites, it is said that they left in such a hurry that they could not wait for bread to rise. In commemoration, for the duration of Passover, no leavened bread is eaten, for which reason it is also called "The Festival of the Unleavened Bread" [4]. Instead, matzah is eaten, and is the primary symbol of the holiday." wikipedia




Coincidentally, it's the week of passover, and here I am waiting to hear from various employers. Upon discovering that what I'd hoped for is no longer an option, I am feeling incredibly let down,exhausted, drained, dropped, looked past. As if I really expected some organization to chose me. I should know better.

There are a few ways to look at this, I understand that. But I don't want to be civil about it. I want to scream & wail & maybe, just for once, be heard. I am exhausted. I know waiting is a part of this thing we call life, but I am actually spent. Just done with waiting and waiting and waiting. Having a hard time seeing passover as a blessing and not a curse. Chewing on this and wanting something more.

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