14 May 2008
so i was watching charlie & lola at the gym today...running, collecting my thoughts, listening to MGMT, sweating out of every pore, and watching charlie & lola. no words, just the animated story flashing before me, and i conceived a magnificent idea for making something from the paper scraps that i collect. useless, most people would probably say, but i beg to differ. and the piece above, which i'll call, "the help," only because of those beautiful hard-working feet, seems to be a good start at my vision.
i feel like i am actually in progress today. helping myself a little bit towards becoming (aLways becoming) a fuller sense of me...
for a while now i've had this weight on my shoulders, one that was labeled: FINAL PRODUCT, and it was so heavy it was making me feel stagnant. since december 22nd, my final day at blue dog, the only thing that was constant and satisfying was my relationship with pw. but today feels different. today makes me think to myself "what have you been doing since december?" today makes me feel as though i've spent the past six months watching all my friends play, and i finally got up and gave life a shot. i feel like my life is changing today. i feel really good.
i swear it's the scanner. it's the idea of having a way to display my projects and (hopefully) get feedback. it's perfect, really. now: how do i make the files smaller? (my current techie challenge)
it's not the scanner. it's not the gym or the tea or the anything.
it's love and acceptance, two things i feel for myself today that i've been missing for some time. it's the french tulips pw surprised me with last night that i put in a vase without water. it's seeing their droopy bulbs at 9am, and immediately watering them hoping to rescue their beauty. it's coming home at noon seeing their upright posture, screaming aRise! aRisE!
and on that note, one of my favorite cards of all time. made in honor of my beautiful friend, aisha. i hope she will stumble across it.
where you are heavy, lighten.
where you are hard, melt.
where you are weary, rest.
where you are closed, open.
where you are low, arise.