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01 September 2008

a promise


been working on building up the etsy shop these days...getting ready to send out a shop announcement to all the friends and family and everyone i know (and hopefully YOU know!) but in doing this i haven't kept up the blog as much! i'm starting to feel the need, the pendulum is swinging back in this direction, and that is a really, really good thing. i miss this place to compose words and thoughts and photos and dreams. i miss hearing stories and reactions and the little love tidbits you all leave me.

i promise i'm going to make an effort to be more consistent about this blog. i have gotten warped and wrapped into my ETSY shop---updating it, posting items, shipping items!!! it seems a bit like nursing a new child. welcoming it into the world takes much more consideration and care than i ever would have imagined, but i love it more than i knew possible. i am making cards without even knowing that i'm doing it; selling cards to people who surprise me with great joy. thank you world and universe and friends and lover---thank you for all you do to keep me moving forward.

and speaking of moving forward, i took a *bit* of a hit this week. another brief moment of rejection when i heard back about the internship at the pc(USA). to say i was expecting better news is to say i was not already planning my "i found a job speech" to my co-workers. alas, i was met with yet another email assuring me "i was a suburb candidate, however..."

these are the kinds of moments in your life when you realize nothing, no single thing, moment, decision, event can break you. you can fall apart and sob and sob and sob and you will still wake up the next day. you will buckle over into the arms of someone who desperately wants to know what you need to hear, but instead they will just hold you. they will wrap their long limbs around you, remind you of your roots that will not be torn from under, and shade you from the harsh light, too bright for your already fatigued self. in this moment you will grow, just a bit, and beautifully. you will see that you can stand more than you imagined: defeat, rejection, despair. you will collect yourself, the sky will be painted new shades of blues, and you will greet the day. even you will do this in your rare moments of pain and sorrow.

so many of my nearest and dearest met me with blessings and love this past week. my immediate reaction is to "repay" them---how can i thank you to the extent that i would like? i think i've found out a way to do so: hear their words. soak their love and adoration into my skin. wear it everyday. love myself, now and forever. praise the two feet and ten toes that carry me around everyday. honor and decide to put courage into my dreams. live well, fairly, justly, and with love on each breath that i breathe. that will be my gesture of gratitude. that will be my promise of presence. that will be my song. that will be my gaze, ever forward; knowing wholly and fully there is love and support and wellbeing and guidance and another sunrise to await.

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