09 November 2009

many things, maybe aNyThiNg (and the inner compass)

the inner compass: noun a navigation system that never fails, never powers off, always sends you the scenic route, and when needed, gives you a good chance to rest while it is recalculating.

trucking around dc and virginia this past weekend, blissed out in the company of family & friends galore, i found myself trusting my inner compass. grounded in the knowing and the not knowing of it all. letting time run its course and gathering all the confidence and courage i could.

"confidence and courage for what?," you ask.

confidence and courage run so deep. they are woven into our every move. how we sit in the hot tub bikini clad and how we cook a meal for six. how we stand up when we are faced with friends we haven't seen in years, how we cheer on our brother at his soccer game. how we hold one another when we're weak and how we let go when we know we must. confidence and courage anchor our lives in the everyday.

confidence is trusting the inner compass. it is the voice within that announce "i am who i am" and it is the deep knowing of "i was made for this." it is fresh nervous jitters, and a tall spine. confidence is, as they say, key.

but courage is the arm that turns that key. unlocks doors and takes strides in a new direction. courage is heading confidently in the direction of the needle of that inner compass. courage is pursuing what matters most, no matter what.

i am not short on these orders, but they are tall orders, and my tendency of late has been to shrink a bit. i have been searching so hard for direction that i've lost some of it en route, and i've been longing for the road, so badly, that i've stalled out time & time again. all of this is part of the journey though, isn't it?

this fall, i have been celebrating knowing this group of girls for ten years. ten good, turbulent, distant, intimate years. ten years of teenage and twenties turmoil. ten years of two minute drills and twisted roads. ten years of belly laughter and branching out. ten years. {{{ten years is a lot when you're twenty five}}}

now ten years later, a baby is on the way and we're transitioning yet again. recreating ourselves and our friendships. becoming, again. what will we be this time around? where will our compasses guide us? i'm confident that we'll find our way and find the courage to act when summoned. i'm hanging onto possibility for each one of us---and you, too. in this world, we truly can be many things, maybe aNyThiNg...xo


Anonymous said...
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Elizabeth said...

Oh Stef, this was beautiful! Ten years, wow, it does seem like a long time at 25, yet we have all recreated ourselves and had to newly get to know one another. Ahh, I can't wait to (re)meet you the next time I see you and a year from now and ten years down the road. I know I will love you!

Ferd said...

wow - this is such a beautiful photograph of you all.... what joy and happiness surrounding that moment and your life-long friendships. Love it!

Ferd said...

oh, and I need your inner compass card. I need that courage and confidence this week in a BIG way...

Kim said...
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Kim said...

I love your spirit and inner compass! Your writing is beautiful, ten years is a long time, especially when you are 25. I think you are wise beyond your years to recognize your inner compass now. You are in a good place and you are very courageous.
What a great picture! Continue to surround yourself with that joy and bliss. Girlfriends are so important to our soul!