19 November 2009


before i had my current job, i was newly in love, employed by a small non-profit organization, and working some side jobs to cover the rest of the bills. one of those jobs was my creative business, heart piercing cards, and the other was catering with a fabulous, home-grown catering company in louisville, wiltshire pantry.

looking back now, i was such a free bird. and i was making enough money to get by, pay all the bills, and have a comfy life. why was i so unhappy then?

ah, i remember. i couldn't get all my $hit together, thats why. i could carve out time to take paul to work, or be at Adelante by a certain time for our afternoon programming, but i was a failure when it came to keeping an artistic responsibility, or getting in my workouts consistently or building bridges out of the sticks and twine of my daily life.

and, btw, i didn't respect myself, my desire to figure it out without a job title or my own timeline. i wasn't able to proudly put stephanie time on the calendar and valuing that time as being as essential (or MORE) than the time commitments i'd made to others. you know that feeling, don't you?

time has a way of telling its story, and now, working in a cubicle from 9-5, feels unhappy some days too. but i've also be able to throw all my energy into my pile: working out, cooking healthy meals, commuting responsibly, spending dedicated time on cards, etc. the structure (and lack thereof) has taught me so much.
so i'm adding another pillar to this week: structure.

tonight, prior to this post, i read this post over at Magpie girls blog, and i think that's the final word tonight.

i think i'm still trying to find a balance...and always will be. so head over there, and play along to whatever extent feels right for you. i could certainly say more on this, but tonight less words feel like more. we know these situations, we sit with them everyday, but do we ever face them courageously?


Anonymous said...

I love your pillars as they become more and more erect. I love to read that you are giving your self love and permission to take what you have/are and relish/love it. You are the bean and I love watching you grow!!!! xoxo

Can't wait to share Sarturday

kaileenelise said...

the point you make in this point is a great one. without structure, we can have all the components to make us happy - but skip over making time for ourselves. i find that the busier i get, the better i get at time management. wishing you a happy and productive weekend. ♥kaileenelise

Caroline Riley said...

Wow- this is so true! And people usually think the opposite, but I actually think that structure brings out some of my best qualitites. I can feel so accomplished at the end of the day when I have met all of my deadlines/tasks... Then I get to go home and enjoy my family and friends .... the greatest gift in life!

Love - Crow