31 March 2009

nourishing the soul-self and...a craft instruction!

a steaming mug of cool mint tea: lucky me. sitting at the computer tonight surrounded by inspiration. inspiration in the form of books, a boy and a brainstorm.

oh. my. gosh. i love the louisville free public library! look at all these beauties! i am so excited to touch on all of my hopes and dreams through written word. i have been feeling a deep desire to get back into journaling and reading, carving out quiet space in this busy world to connect with the me that i love and need to nourish. the fabric of my being craves a blank page and words. i have to have good writing utensils, inspired words to spark my mind and ideas to delight! let's see, now i have the journal, red 8.5x 11, the pens/markers/jelly roll glitter pens/crayons/transfer type/etc., the stack of inspiring words, & all i need is to carve out the time.

i am here to report that i will be buried in books and journaling and soul-self nourishing activities for some time. lets be clear though, that this blog-space is a place i delight in, so i will for sure peak in with updates and surprises. but...i tell you all of this because i also know that i need to be carving out some non-computer time. {said blog is created and accessed only from a computer}

and...btw: i would encourage you to take check your radar for the zones that need paying attention to. paul is studying for his wine test this week, his nose is buried in wine reference books and index cards. i will be covered with ink and fonts and words of goodness. where will you find yourself? toes covered in sand, walking along the shoreline? strapping on your running shoes and jumping on a treadmill? fingernails dirty from digging in the garden? with your hands held high hanging the laundry out on the line? muddy and sitting at the pottery wheel?

i pray you find yourself somewhere inspired. carving out time and nourishing your soul-self.

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oh! and i had a very crafty moment this week that i wanted to share with ya'll...
here's the final project:

9 steps to beautiful, that's all it takes:
1. cute wrapping paper. wrap. {hey AS: you are the best gift wrapper of all time, btw, this one made me think of you}
2. take a normal sheet of paper and cut a long swirling line, go every-which-way with your scissors, and then back again. ideally, you want to have a long swirly crooked piece when you're done. (make sure you don't cut into it!)
3. take one piece of tape and adhere one end of your "ribbon" to the back seam of the gift.
4. wrap the other end around as far as it will go, loosely.
5. cut out a heart shape. or a crown shape. or a boxing-glove shape.
6. write recipients name on said piece of paper.
7. use a scrap piece of paper, and adhere one end to the back of the heart.
8. wrap scrap paper (now connected to heart) around "ribbon," and adhere OTHER end of scrap paper to the back of the heart.
9. VOILA! creative ribbon for your using.

{this is especially handy when you don't have ribbon, like i didn't on monday night when i whipped this one up :) let me know what you think!!!}

28 March 2009

quiet curiosities

hmmm, so no one feels like sharing?
i wonder whats keep us quiet? i wonder if we're tucking some things away these days? i wonder if we are doing it to protect ourselves or because we don't have the time to juggle more? i wonder if we love what we do everyday? i wonder if we're afraid we won't win? i wonder if we have reeled in our lives, so tight, so wound up we find ourselves longing to be let free. its not that we want fish, its just that we want to send our hooks soaring under the surface of the lake to explore uncharted waters. or maybe, some of us feel like we need to come up for air. i wonder if we're doing what it takes?

friday morning came and went.
little notecards are still here.

in truth, i'm ever so slightly sad not to have heard more from you. here's a secret: your readership has taken the place in my heart that friendship has filled for some years. i am not foolish enough to think that i'm your BFF, but i am in love with this space and how it somehow {magically} fills the space between us, how i have totally fallen in love with people via their blogs (see list on the right for blogs that i fancy), and how it allows us to find voice when maybe we couldn't before. so i welcome your voice here, and i hope that you know what a gift your presence is so me. in some tiny, cyber way. what a beautiful sharing this is, for me, and i hope, for you, even though we're on opposite sites of the cyber canal.

(that's venice in february. of 2005. but i remember it like it was last month.)

sending you all notes of admiration and gratitude.
sending you wonder & bright horizons.
sending you the adventure you're hoping for,
the beauty that emerges from deep within,
the dream you've kept quiet,
the joy we share.

22 March 2009

faithful to the task, and, a little giveaway!

my most recent creation, made a few {weeks} ago. yikes. soo i haven't been in the making phase of paper and glue. i think i've been inspiration collecting, or butterfly seeking, or pollen hunting like the bees do, faithful to their task, all a part of the process of making something as sweet as honey.

i really appreciate your checking in at this space. i wish i could have a little snapshot of what you've been up to. who you are, what tasks you're being faithful to. in honor of your presence, i would like to offer a giveaway:

{here's the thing} i want to know more about you. leave a comment on this post, tell me what you've been up to, what tasks you're juggling during this season of life, who you are, where you come from---really, share whatever you've got as you read this, and... {here's the fun part} i have a lovely set of flatnote cards that i will send to one lucky ready, chosen at random, on friday morning 03/27/09. let the sharing begin! xOxo

16 March 2009


i am ready to see myself blossom, crack open, do something that challenges me and calls out the wholeness of who i am.

what are you ready for?

put a flower in your hair, it's springtime.

14 March 2009

this tornado loves you

and i declare: today is a saturday to take care.
what do you find yourself doing today?
are you taking care of the hidden seed, your dreams, your quiet whispers?
this has always been a rough task for me:
taking care of me.
for self-

it's easy, seemingly, no children, one job, financial stability.
but i am guilty of not being able to crack open and have a really fun time.
so today, today is my day for such fun, such wonder!

i started the morning off with coffee, playing with the pups, coloring with crayons, listening to the new neko case, and recalling my favorite quote, which i will share with you, my dear companions in this days of self-love.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
marianne williamson

i have found thisto be true, not only with myself, but with you too.
let's make this day, or a day of your choosing, our day to shine.
"this tornado loves you, loves you, love you." {neko case}

11 March 2009

arise with acceptance

i was at yoga tonight, finishing up a challenging, beautiful, releasing practice of bikram at (my new obsession) betsy's hot yoga louisville. i was just laying, embracing myself with words and affirmations when this word came to me:

i scribbled it down when i got to the jeep, and thought to myself: perfect, go back to that place where you connect and delight in sharing. that place is here, though, it is with great gentleness that i enter this space again. i left off feeling quite vulnerable on monday night; after a big release, i was exhausted, and in the hours since then, i have been humbled and lifted: by you. and you. and you. and all of you.

this is life, i suppose, a changing of seasons and a daily walk through hills and valleys. i never cease to be amazed at the diverse geography of this world. some days feel very lush, very warm, very big sunglasses, very by the pool with a daiquiri, very naples. other days are hot, chaffing, and uncomfortable. then there are the winter mountaintops, the ski-lodge days, sitting by the fire and sipping hot cocoa with marshmallows that never end.

but we must come down the mountain. there is always a slight bit of resistance, your knees feel as though they can't stand the downward slope. right before you fall, you feel it, don't you? i sure do. you saw me sliding and you loved me still. tumbling about, groping for grass (which is, btw, not nearly as strong as i am heavy), or some solid ground to grab onto. and in the struggle (we aLL struggle), i found myself at the bottom, low-low-low, but here is the amazing thing: i was on solid ground.

in the face of fear, i rose. in the face of failure, i accepted myself, just as i am. in the face of struggle, i choose my truth. in the face of darkness, i called forth the Light.

let's be quite clear about something: nothing actually changed, in a physical sense. i went to bed, sad, and i woke up in the dark, put on my clothes, and went to work. but something inside woke up too. i wrote to paul from work, around 930am for our daily check-In, and i said:
i feel lifted.

i was mightily thankful. for those of you who stretched out your palms to touch me with your words and your voice, thank you. for some who listened, thank you. without knowing it, you gave me the courage to rise. and i made a decision, once again, to love myself where i am and with what i've got. crazy hair and all.

09 March 2009

"before" pictures, black clouds, a breaking inside

i wish i was here to echo elsita and share my joy: "the big difference is that today I am taking care of that little hidden seed that we all need to nourish and protect everyday, the seed of love that starts with loving ourselves. It is not easy at times, because the demands from life are too many, but we need to keep finding new ways to keep ourselves excited and motivated."

but the hidden seed is bearing the storm today. and the storm is within, because ironically, i am the lion when march is the lamb. the weather today was beautiful, but i am a wreck. i am breezy and grey, spitting rain and throwing thunder. i am cracked, crowded, unclear.

i don't know where this all comes from, some place deep inside where i feel unheard, untouched, unlovable. i think it started a while ago, when i started realizing that i do a lot of listening during a season where i need to be heard. i have been chewing on a lot of maybes in my life, and when i lack certainty, i tend to hold onto disgruntled feelings about my own needs not being met, and my own inability to get them met. my lack of vision, inaction, frustration: its embarrassing to even talk about it, but it is what is. i have some serious fear of sitting down and believing in myself. i don't voice what i need on many accounts, and pretty soon i am bogged down and really frustrated.

today was a black chalkboard of a day. there was nothing on the drawing board. i didn't look at people. i didn't talk to people. i just drifted. inside, i knew what i really needed was something special, some delightful person to reach out towards me, present me with something that made me feel shining, thought of, even, perhaps, wonderful. once you have encountered these experiences, you crave them. i am in need. and today, today i needed to be reminded of something that i can't believe right now.

i read a few inspiring weight loss stories, but i don't feel anyone is reaching towards me trying to support my efforts, even when i have black & white asked for it. have i mentioned that i need that? have i mentioned that i want support, letters, encouraging thoughts? i feel like i'm always the one sending these things. i need them, too.

i though i was being a mature adult mentioning this to a friend this winter. her response was hurtful, but clear: she wanted an equation for how much attention i needed. "do you need comments on your blog? phone calls once a week? emails? tell me what you need." not only was i hurt, but i felt like a chore. am i that bad? am i really that much to deal with that you have to pencil me into you busy calendar? i offered a season of silence, and that it has been- a very sad season. we were once very dear connected souls. such silly distractions this world throws in our pathes. we have to pursue the people we love wholeheartedly. ourselves, too.

put your hand on your heart. the world is way too noisy. music. washing machines. furious typing. treadmills moaning. but inside of me, it is much louder than all of that. inside something is screaming; it is fully unsatisfied. of course, the heart is beating, and for this i am thankful. basic gratitude. that is all i have tonight.

today has been the day of i can't. i can't describe it fully. but it's been really really tough. perhaps i have ignored some whispers for too long.

06 March 2009

a homage to my love!

dear pw:
you are the bomb diggity, sweetest honey, nicest little elf on the face of the planet. thank you for a delicious meal last night and a delicious life. for making me coffee this morning and totally and absolutely loving me even when i have no idea whats going on and i leave a tornado behind me. that you for your strength and your support, for embracing me when i am so mad at myself. thank you for holding up my intentions and helping me get closer to them, little step by little step. thank you for riding bikes and throwing frisbees and chopping onions and pouring wine and playing with paint. you are creative, careful, conscientious, communicative, glowing. thank you for all that you are, all your goodness on the surface of your skin, welling up from you plaid loving soul, so sweet and so good. thank you for moving me everyday, for spreading your arms wide & opening them up, ready to love.
p.s. i can't think of a better way to celebrate 200 blog posts than a homage to you!

03 March 2009

the eyes of your heart

a question for your truest self, the One who knows.

{original artwork by she who pierces hearts. the inspiration and creativity are flowing tonight. it is messy and oh-so-good!}

02 March 2009

the daisy that lives within

dear winter spirit: you have nurtured me so. you have given me time, space, rest, rejuvenation. when i was cold, you offered me beautiful mugs of hot tea. when i was lonely, you let the sun peak through. you gifted me with the most beautiful hat a curly haired girl could dream of. you threw a warm coat over my shoulders and sent me out the door. every morning, your crisp air wakes me up. i promised myself i wouldn't complain about you. summer has some serious perks, but it has unbearable moments that make me think of you with great praise. but spring is on its way now, and its easy to want you to find your way to another part of the globe.

this weekend we spring forward, but i just want you to know, you've been good for us. you've let us be our little bear selves and i'm quite certain we all need a little bit of that. never, no never, you never let me down with your ability to take me there. you know that about me, i'm a bit of a bear. you love me still.

and, most importantly, you help me hold onto the fabric of my soul, even when it was gray, even when i was letting it slide, just a bit. you inspired me to hang on to the daisy patterned beautiful body, spirited sprite that i am. you may send the chilling wind my way, but when i tuck in, i see you're just whispering: more tenderness, more affection, more curling up and cuddling, more taking care of your body, more all the goodness i forget during my days here on earth, no matter what the season. when your sunshine has spread across my face, a smile has spread there too, and for this i am oh-so-grateful. you have been so good to me. you deserve much praise.

but now, or soon, goodbye. goodbye 20 degree walks at 11am. goodness mittens. goodbye hat, i adore you. goodbye boots. goodbye until next year, or as soon as you'd like to come back. i will always welcome you. you're one of my favorites.

we're racing towards spring, our skirts pulled up, our Frisbee in the backseat of the jeep, ready to play. our daisies are nurtured, our bodies ready for more movement, more fresh air, spring rains, and sunshine! sweet sunshine. all of this, thanks to you.

♥♥♥and may you discover the daisy that lives within you and knows no season. ♥♥♥