02 May 2010

my quest

do you ever get caught up in all the online goodness everyone else is creating? your catch yourself two hours deep into your "research" for something inspirational, only to find you've come up with nothing except a big heap of jealousy, a lousy feeling about yourself, and more items to add to your already-too-long to-do list?

sometimes i feel that way. that's when i know i need to unplug.  when i need to detach myself from the noise of the world and get quiet, really quiet, so that i can get clear on my own contributions. typically i'd meander to my local yoga studio or sit down with a piping hot mug of tea & my art journal, but these days i've been fully emerged in projects around the apartment and planning for the spring/summer events. so rest means nothing. rejuvenation-what is that again? exhaustively catching up on other people's blog & envying their springtime motivation, we're getting warmer...

what does all this mean? it means i caught myself red-handed. out of boredom & exhaustion, i'm facebook stalking people i don't even really know but they got married & i'll look at their albums. it means i'm reading food blogs that put me in lame-shame, an "i should go run a half marathon and then have a green monster" frame of mine.  it means your accomplishments suddenly seem better than mine, even though i've worked hard to build a fantastic life that i love and that works for me. it means i am looking outside rather than inside, focusing on what i don't have rather than what i have, and most importantly, i am seeing a need to reconcile these inconsistencies & recover some of my golden ways.

do you ever get to this stopping point? this, "i'm in too deep and i have to come up for fresh air" feeling? where you need to throw everything to the wayside and just settle in to who you are and what you contribute to the whole? i guess i've been feeling that way recently, trying to get clear on my intentions, how i am living my golden year, and how i can navigate the next season of life, now that the two major things i'd been hoping for have come to fruition: new career path + new living space. 

so this is the good news: i'm on a great path.
this is the quest: what will my direction be? what will i do along the way? 

if i'm quiet around here, it's because i'm getting clear on that answer.
thanks for your many inspiring thoughts & traveling together with me.
wishing you the perfect blend of inspiration & solitude.   


Analiese Marie said...

In response to the questions posed in the first paragraph of your post...a resounding YES! In fact, I've only recently learned to recognize this very feeling and have begun enforcing self-imposed "information cleanses" wherein I take a break from blogs, twitter, facebook, etc. It's especially critical when I'm in creativity mode (writing, working on a project, or otherwise intensely engaged with something). During those times, I need to turn inward, toward my own creative reserves. Getting too involved in the projects/ideas/lives of others can drain our own creative energy. At minimum, I try to "unplug" completely for a day or two each week.

You, my dear, ARE on a great path that is uniquely your own. No one else's life could be more perfect for you than the one you're living in your exuberant and authentic way. Get quiet, get focused, turn inward, tap your own reserves, ignore your Google Reader, do whatever you need to do. On behalf of the internet (if I may be so bold), I hereby grant you permission to take a timeout!

Love you! xox

kaileenelise said...

LOVE YOU and your honesty in this post! unplug, relax and enjoy the space you're in. life is good and you must be good to your life. we are here to love and support each other, not to be comparison points by which to measure "success" :) i'm finally reading the book you sent me, by the way. loving it so far. thanks for your sweet comments on my blog. glad that grammie could warm your heart! hugs and love to you... ♥kaileenelise

Melita said...

ya know, i think it's human to think this way from time to time. SO many people are out there doing wonderful things, it's easy to become a wee bit jealous or envious. but my darling, there is only one stephanie out there and she is FABULOUS!! no one else has her unique path, thoughts or fabulous hair and i LOVE her!! :) hugs!!

奇濛子情趣用品 said...
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Kristen Gardner Photography said...

This post was just what I needed. Thanks, Steph. Love you! XOXO

Ant Bell said...

That was a breath of fresh air for me to read. I like your intuition on things. Reading your blogs help me to somehow channel my own energy, thoughts and things on what I want most out of whatever endeavors I may be in at the time. Sometimes I just need to "unplug" from the Matrix!

Elloa said...

THANK YOU for this post. This is the second time I've read it because once again I find myself wondering why more people aren't following ME, and ooh it leaves a yucky taste in my mouth.

I am not a blogger to gain recognition. I do not write so that people will leave me comments telling me how fabulous a writer I am. And yet, having gotten some nice feedback, I have found that I've started relying on it, and when it hasn't been there, I've felt insecure.

Perhaps I'll do what Analiese Marie said, and go quiet for a day a week, too.

My journal is always there waiting for me.

So once again... THANK YOU! x