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08 September 2010

pre-birthday thoughts

it is my natural reaction to suppress any excitement i might feel around the time of my birthday. i get a little bit excited, and make excuses here and there, saying: "it's my birthday week," like the frivolous little mess that i am.

but truly, deeply, in some odd, strange way, i have always had a tendency to want to tear up around this time. like i'm undeserving of the attention and celebration. clearly, this is not true, as my life is remarkable and there is MUCH to celebrate. i truly believe every life, every person, every moment, there is ALWAYS something to celebrate. but the genuine celebration of ME always has a tendency to make me feel the same way. i guess you could call it discomfort, out of a place of shame (i say this in a very brene brown kind of way).  that is, my own inability to be so grateful for all that i have been blessed with.

if my life abounds with all this goodness, friendship, adventure, opportunity, peace, and sparkle, why does that little voice inside me say: "who am I to be so celebrated?"

do other people feel this way on their birthday? what do you do when you feel this way?

during these times, as with most moments of reflection, i tend to go back to my sources of inspiration. i make list of things i appreciate and fess up to the things i life i consider odd but delightful (examples: rainbow sprinkles, handwritten letters, my favorite pens, balloons). i use these inspirations to run away with my own inspiration. I fill my mind up with the exhilerating moments when life feels so meaningful and so abundant.  certainly, there are times of lack, but at the end of the day, there are 1,000+ reasons to be grateful.


i'll certainly spend my 26th birthday filling my mind with those things.
happy colorful, abundant, inspiring birthday to me!

6 comments:

Brené Brown said...

Happy Birthday! You are SO worth celebrating!

Jumbleberry Orchard said...

Happy birthday :-)

Celebrate your place in the world - it looks like it's a good sort of place to me; through your blog (at the very least) you bring so much sparkle and joy!

Elloa said...

Who are you NOT to be celebrated?! You are a child of God. I'm sure you've seen this before, but just as a reminder for myself and for you...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

And that is a quote occasionally attributed to Nelson Mandela but actually originating from Marianne Williamson.

Happy birthday xxx

Sarah @ See Sarah Eat said...

Woo hoo, 26 was my favorite age! I hope you enjoy :)

I feel that way about my birthday sometimes too, especially as I get older. And I don't take celebrating me or compliments well in general. But I'm trying to embrace that more. Life is beautiful!

Chelsa Bea said...

Yay for birthdays!!!! I hope you have a fabulous 26th! I'll be joining the club in about a month. Yippee for celebrations! I hope you get to drink lots of champagne!

Carolyn said...

You are DEFINITELY one to be celebrated!!!!!! I hope you had a fab bday. :)