but truly, deeply, in some odd, strange way, i have always had a tendency to want to tear up around this time. like i'm undeserving of the attention and celebration. clearly, this is not true, as my life is remarkable and there is MUCH to celebrate. i truly believe every life, every person, every moment, there is ALWAYS something to celebrate. but the genuine celebration of ME always has a tendency to make me feel the same way. i guess you could call it discomfort, out of a place of shame (i say this in a very brene brown kind of way). that is, my own inability to be so grateful for all that i have been blessed with.
if my life abounds with all this goodness, friendship, adventure, opportunity, peace, and sparkle, why does that little voice inside me say: "who am I to be so celebrated?"
do other people feel this way on their birthday? what do you do when you feel this way?
during these times, as with most moments of reflection, i tend to go back to my sources of inspiration. i make list of things i appreciate and fess up to the things i life i consider odd but delightful (examples: rainbow sprinkles, handwritten letters, my favorite pens, balloons). i use these inspirations to run away with my own inspiration. I fill my mind up with the exhilerating moments when life feels so meaningful and so abundant. certainly, there are times of lack, but at the end of the day, there are 1,000+ reasons to be grateful.
i'll certainly spend my 26th birthday filling my mind with those things.