29 March 2012

me: in all my glory

tap dancing. blowing bubbles. using grandma's lipstick. squealing with laughter. playing along the edge of the pool waiting for the lifeguard to blow the whistle, signaling adult swim is finally over. we should all be so free.

instead, we get trapped under the heavy rocks of to-do lists, spouting off lengthy explanations about why it all means something, and enslaved to the growing dark circles under our pale blue eyes.

sometimes i catch a glimpse of myself that makes me feel very uncomfortable: negative, busy, oh-my-freaking-goodness, heart attack-me is not my favorite me. i am not good at barreling through, unaffected by insane amounts of stress, constant deadlines, performance-oriented thinking day-in and day-out. 

well, i lie: i AM good at it, that's the problem. THAT is not the me i love.

 i love artsy-me, piggyback-me, my legs are so sore from that long run today-me. the me that leaves a meeting or presentation and thinks: "that went so well!" positive, thriving-me. long day, but it's all good-me.  

how do i get more of that? what do you do to ensure positive flow throughout your days and weeks? even when it's crazy and stressful and O-M-G is this for real? i believe in coping mechanisms, just haven't been swift practicing them lately. would love your input, advise or calm.

thanks for traveling with me no matter what i'm like! ///especially you, PW!/// xoxo stephanie


Elisse said...

There is that sense of discomfort in acknowledging the person you don't like being, but something made you stop and think, "I don't like this Me I am right now." What was that?

I'd like to suggest that it's that artsy, piggy-back lovin You that you have always been grounded in. Without it, how would we ever know that we have fallen into a bad space?

Kim said...

I completely understand and I'm going through the same thing. I find myself letting the stress and negative thoughts creep in and I don't like it at all. I know that when I was meditating on a regular basis I felt muct better and more balanced. Not to say I didn't have those days but my mind was better to deal with them. I need to get back to meditating for myself... too much stress going on, it helps me focus on the positive. Love your blog and this post! I can totally relate.

stephanie alaine said...

elisse & kim: thanks for your honesty and openness. i appreciate your support majorly. there is something so real about the rough patches in life...and about the wise one within who, like you say Elisse, has always grounded us in the first place. thanks for sharing--love right back to you both! xoxo stephanie