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26 March 2013

engrained

while reading through some old posts, i found this excerpt from a 2007 blogpost:

"so i write letters. i keep stamps in my wallet, in my car, on my desk. good pens are everywhere. gluesticks & old dictionaries cover my room. i wake up on sunday mornings and can't move around for an hour without searching around for my journal, my watercolors, my paintbrush, bits of inspiration collected throughout the week...and finding myself once again in my chair, at my desk, creating. these are the proud moments of my existence. it feels natural and right and organic to sit there and let out what is bursting forth from within."
 isn't that so me? 

me + my favorite red moleskine journal

something from within, put on paper with ink
sometimes it feels like we know ourselves too well, and as we recognize engrained habits, responses, desires, we find ourselves performing them like clockwork. sometimes we're annoyed with our bad behaviors, other times we're impressed with our persistence or relieved for the familiar comfort these behaviors provide after a long day. 

then there are other times when we feel outside of our bodies, wading deep past what we know of ourselves and performing some strange act. the shame gremlins show up here, taunting us and hoping to lure the fraud syndrome out. 'you probably don't deserve that 
promotion/compliment/award.' 'you're overwhelmed because you can't handle it, loser.' 

for the past 9+ months, this dualistic experience has kept me drifting between familiar me and foreign me. recognition of who i am and who i want to become, and the behaviors to follow suite.

b.j. fogg

late last year i discovered the work of b.j. fogg, a stanford university professor of persuasive technology and his baby, a program called tiny habits. i was fortunate to attend a workshop he gave at health fitness corporation and personally participated in the tiny habits program shortly thereafter.  i would totally recommend it if you're interested in the birds of view of noticing what you're doing and how to possibly create new habits through baby steps (no extreme dieting here!). for your first week of tiny habits, bj says: "This week is about practicing, not about solving that one special problem in your life." (if i had only ONE special problem, dr. fogg!)

so what do tiny habits and this 2007 quote have in common? i'm reminded that some things, perhaps the things we love most, are engrained in us. and if we skip the cool-kid act, we might find that we begin to LIVE from the place where what we find ourselves doing is that which comes most naturally. that 5+ years later, you find an excerpt from your own blog that surprises you, because it could have been written 5 years ago, or 10 years ago, or just this past weekend. 

what would it take to be brave enough to live--yes, really live--from THAT place?
xoxo
stephanie

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Incredibly thought provoking! And thanks for the introduction to Tiny Habits!