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26 March 2013

engrained

while reading through some old posts, i found this excerpt from a 2007 blogpost:

"so i write letters. i keep stamps in my wallet, in my car, on my desk. good pens are everywhere. gluesticks & old dictionaries cover my room. i wake up on sunday mornings and can't move around for an hour without searching around for my journal, my watercolors, my paintbrush, bits of inspiration collected throughout the week...and finding myself once again in my chair, at my desk, creating. these are the proud moments of my existence. it feels natural and right and organic to sit there and let out what is bursting forth from within."
 isn't that so me? 

me + my favorite red moleskine journal

something from within, put on paper with ink
sometimes it feels like we know ourselves too well, and as we recognize engrained habits, responses, desires, we find ourselves performing them like clockwork. sometimes we're annoyed with our bad behaviors, other times we're impressed with our persistence or relieved for the familiar comfort these behaviors provide after a long day. 

then there are other times when we feel outside of our bodies, wading deep past what we know of ourselves and performing some strange act. the shame gremlins show up here, taunting us and hoping to lure the fraud syndrome out. 'you probably don't deserve that 
promotion/compliment/award.' 'you're overwhelmed because you can't handle it, loser.' 

for the past 9+ months, this dualistic experience has kept me drifting between familiar me and foreign me. recognition of who i am and who i want to become, and the behaviors to follow suite.

b.j. fogg

late last year i discovered the work of b.j. fogg, a stanford university professor of persuasive technology and his baby, a program called tiny habits. i was fortunate to attend a workshop he gave at health fitness corporation and personally participated in the tiny habits program shortly thereafter.  i would totally recommend it if you're interested in the birds of view of noticing what you're doing and how to possibly create new habits through baby steps (no extreme dieting here!). for your first week of tiny habits, bj says: "This week is about practicing, not about solving that one special problem in your life." (if i had only ONE special problem, dr. fogg!)

so what do tiny habits and this 2007 quote have in common? i'm reminded that some things, perhaps the things we love most, are engrained in us. and if we skip the cool-kid act, we might find that we begin to LIVE from the place where what we find ourselves doing is that which comes most naturally. that 5+ years later, you find an excerpt from your own blog that surprises you, because it could have been written 5 years ago, or 10 years ago, or just this past weekend. 

what would it take to be brave enough to live--yes, really live--from THAT place?
xoxo
stephanie

24 March 2013

Lately

Updates from around my life lately:
  1. I could eat chia seeds on anything: cottage cheese, oatmeal, midnight batches of cookies, salads, and so on.
  2. I've been sick, achy and complaining the past 4 days, especially when Paul's around. That equates to about all of the time.
  3. I fell totally in love with being an auntie, again. Baby Cami turned 1, Grant came to visit sans mommy, Eleanor has been learning new words and phrases from her days at school and it's hysterical, and Sofia...well she's just Sofia. The bees knees little 3+ year old. 
  4. I absolutely have the biggest girl crush on goal-crusher and resident badass Jacki Carr. #sorryI'mnotsorry
  5. Hot tea by the gallon has been consumed. This late March cold spell in Kentucky makes me a whore for hot tea and more backscratching than usual. And I'm ok with that.
  6. I'm counting down the days until class is over. Weeks, days, assignments away from grad school being in the rear view mirror. One semester of internship left and then it's BOOYAH...Throwin' that cap!
  7. We're bringing home our chocolate labradoodle puppy in less than a week and I'm beyond excited. Can't think of a time in life when I've experienced such anticipation. Sweet puppy kisses and spring walks and a new running buddy and learning the groove of another being... Paul's dedication to sharing our home and making it a place for this pup is about the sweetest thing ever. Get ready for never ending puppy stories. [p.s. this is a true example of how i've changed as a human over the past 10 years.]
  8. Recently my dad and alicia and paul were having a conversation about how my artistic style, while evolving, has a specific look to it. What a compliment. My heart wants to spend more time in that space. Haven't hung there lately and I can feel it. Reference item 2.
  9. An all-consuming work deadline has both been totally overwhelming and totally heart-warming at the same time. The generosity of folks who know you're on a timeline///the challenge of totally new topics (have you ever selected industrial toilet paper dispensers?)///the maintain-your-sanity while going all out? #humbled
  10. On two separate occasions, I have found myself stopped dead in my tracks with such gratitude for what life holds. The first time it was when I was pulling fresh sheets and towels out of the dryer. I literally thought to myself: I love the smell of life, real, just-as-it-is, life. A few deep long breaths of that hot, fresh air had me still with gratitude. And the other time I was hopping in the back seat of my parents car, heading to dinner, manhattan fresh in my belly, pinching myself: my heart is so grateful for my amazing family + sweet relationships that I treasure. 
The visual version of these updates: http://instagram.com/stephanieweldy

Happy Sunday, loves!
I'm running a bubble bath and finding some of my favorite pens. 
xoxo
stephanie




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